Everyone has a story.
I cannot begin to tell you the negative impact social media can have on one’s mental health. Whether it be scrolling through pictures of lavish vacations, nights out on the town with friends, or the pics of peaceful sleeping babies – they’re all one in the same. A snapshot – a moment in time that one uses to showcase their life. Rarely do we see moments of despair, failure, exhaustion, anxiety or depression.
Yet at one point or another – we all have had these moments. Some more so than others – but we all have a struggle we face in one way or another.
In the first few years of our marriage – boy, was our love tested. The impact infertility has on one’s marriage is TOUGH! It’s tough when you become so consumed on what you long for, that nothing around you matters. Nothing seems important. You walk around smiling to show the world how ‘together’ you are, but in fact, you’re completely broken.
It’s so important to understand that infertility doesn’t stop once you conceive. The impact infertility has on your life weighs on you far after you’ve had a child. For me – it continued far beyond it.
My journey through trying to give my son a sibling threw me for a whirlwind. With 2 failed back to back IVF cycles, I never let my body/mind/heart heal. I never dealt with my grief. I never spoke about it and avoided trying to work through my loss. Life for everyone around me just went on and I felt like I was slowly vanishing and no one seemed to notice. I became utterly depressed. I became hateful. I resented everyone close to me. And for the better part of two years… I completely lost who I was and all the values I stood for.
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again and again…. my husband saved my life. I begged him to leave me! Yet – that stubborn man refused to let me go in my darkest of days. He stood by me (as hard as it was) until the rain finally stopped. The rain stops. I know most if you feel like this rain will never end… but it will… it has to!
This journey we are on is not easy by any stretch of the imagination and it will change you.
Although I hated every damn minute of the journey to get here and seriously debated whether I had the strength to go on… I would do it all over again to get to the place I am today.
I often will think about what another IVF cycle would look like? I toy with idea of giving it one last shot… I need to believe that no matter what the outcome is, this woman that I have become continues to thrive.
My Journey through Infertility 