Do I share how I feel, do I keep it to myself and try to always be brave and strong.
The answer: it depends on the day and if I’m feeling strong enough to say something out loud.
Saying something out loud to me is more scary than keeping everything to myself.
Saying something out loud also makes it feel real for me to which sometimes I prefer to pretend it’s all ok.
I always try to be brave, strong and keep a smile on my face for everything in life. I like to be the one who looks after other people and make other people smile and feel good. I feel too vulnerable to be the one who might need help. It makes me feel like I’m being a burden or a drama queen, or that people will think I’m only looking for attention.
Every day everyone has there own things going on, their own ups and downs. I don’t want them to have to worry about me or feel like they need to check in.
Sometimes it’s easier to tell strangers how I’m feeling or the scary things I’m going through. Some of the Facebook groups have been my main go to for support and I don’t know what I’d have done without them. All the other amazing, strong, friendly people that are on a similar journey to me. We all know that we are there for each other but to me because I don’t have to face them and they don’t have to feel like they must check in on me then it makes sharing so much easier.
Some people I love most don’t know what kind of journey we are on because I feel like they will worry, or there’s too much pressure if I tell them because then what if things don’t work out, or what if they do?
I don’t keep things to myself to shut others out, it’s quite the opposite for me. It’s so they get the Lynsey they know and so I can just forget about my infertility whilst I’m with them and I can be the normal Lynsey for myself too, if just for a while.
Infertility and IVF are like a second job. The appointments, the endless researching trying to be your own advocate because to most doctors we are “normal”. The different medications, scans, talking about things that for more than half of my life we are taught not to talk about. From a very early age we are taught that we need to be careful because it is so easy to get pregnant but nothing is mentioned about the people that struggle to get pregnant. 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility
So many doctors just give young girls the pill because it’s an easy fix, anything out of the “normal” idea of a period – take the pill. This could be having huge ongoing side affects to a girls fertility but it is never discussed at the time, nor is there investigation in to why there is a problem in the first place.
It’s not until years later when people want to start a family do these things make themselves known and even then it may not be found that easily.
I don’t keep things to myself to shut others out, it’s quite the opposite for me. It’s so they get the Lynsey they know and so I can just forget about my infertility whilst I’m with them and I can be the normal Lynsey for myself too, if just for a while.
To all the amazing women who do cry every time there is a pregnancy announcement, a baby scan photo, walking down the baby aisle in the supermarket, every time you get your period, each single line pregnancy test – I see you, I feel you
To the amazing women that do get pregnant we still love you and are so happy for you, we just get sad for ourselves. Some days are easier than others. Some days we can put on a smile and we are ok but other days it can be too much for our hearts to hold and we just need a little time to process it, or to cry, or to just keep our distance for a while.
If me sharing this and saying this out loud can help even one other person then I’ve done the right thing
If anyone wants to share their story with me, ask me questions or ever needs to talk please please do.
Some people will read this and understand and not need to or want to say anything but will feel better that someone has said something or is on a similar journey to them.
Sending love to you all ❤️
#1in8 #infertility #holyshitthatwasscary
@infertility.ivfandme
My Journey through Infertility 